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| Christmas for the Real Housewives |
Written by Sydney Sydeline
December 05, 2008 |
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What do the Real Atlanta Housewives want for Christmas?
I think we can all agree none of them would object to something in a jewelry box! But my gift to them will be something a little more practical in life. You know, things you can use every day. Can’t move forward without wrapping up the ATL ladies … yes, I called them ladies, some more than others.
NeNe did end up having daddy issues, more specifically no daddy at all. But she can handle it, nothing is going to bring this woman down. My Christmas gift to NeNe is a lifetime supply of Chardonnay and a collection of wine glasses just in case she talks a little too much s*%t and breaks one.
Kim let the whole world know she couldn’t sing and was in fact dating a married man. (good prediction on my part). How will she support herself now that “Big Poppa” has cut the cord? Oh, and 29 years old??????? Really? REALLY? My Christmas gift to Kim is a small cigarette carton chiller in her kitchen, so her kids won’t mistake her smokes for butter.
DeShawn still doesn’t have much to do and maintains a pleasant disposition considering she will have to downsize from two cars to one when her husband retires from the NBA. Is it me, or did her man not a have a retirement plan? He better get one quick because DeShawn is not going to last without the hairstylist AND make-up artist. My Christmas gift to DeShawn is “How Not To Go Broke for Dummies.” Oh, and a cookbook on how to boil water.
Lisa? Well, let’s see, what happened to her career? She started out as the strong, well-rounded independent NFL wife … wait a minute, is that an oxymoron? Somebody needs to decide if she wants to be fabulous at home, and happy that her husband got a job, or keep her husband at home internally training for his next team. Okay ladies, the real issue here is, there is no way she wanted him going all the way to Cali to play without her supervision, while she sat allllllll the way in Atlanta during the season. I hear her. Groupies are treacherous! Did Eddie Boy really tell her he would be home every week when he had a day off? He ought to be fired just for lying straight to her face. WHAT day off? TUESDAY? In any case, all that upset over nothing. Mr. Hartwell was cut very shortly after signing with Oakland. Lisa better get to selling those houses and jewelry again. My Christmas gift to Lisa is a certificate of achievement, for achieving the impossible. Staying grounded.
The final one, Sheree. Well, hmmmmm, not much changed there, except so many people kept telling her how pretty she was, she started believing it. She was the one you really wanted to like, but something would just make you, I don’t know, NOT. No hard feelings. Sheree does seem to have a future in fashion, and doesn’t need any help with that. She proved to be a driven business woman. My Christmas gift to Sheree is a private lesson in textiles, where she can actually know what kind of fabrics she is picking when “SHE” by Sheree does in fact take off.
Sydney Sydeline writes a regular entertainment blog for www.dorseylevensreport.com. |
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| What’s In Your Ear? |
Written by Sydney Sydeline
November 21, 2008 |
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What are your pre-game songs? In the locker room or outside the confines of the field, the court, the track, the course … wherever you play your game. What gets you hyped, pschyed, amped, whatever you call just plain bobbing your head?
Everyone needs a highlight song, and if you don’t have one you better get in the game and get one quick. Even if no one is on your “team,” so to speak, and you can’t travel with your network, you’ve got to rock something hot the week of the game, in the locker room, or in your car on the way.
What is your highlight song? You know, the one you put on rewind more times than anyone else cares to hear it. For those of us who don’t have highlight films of ourselves sitting on the shelf, there is still something that gets us going even from the sydeline … er, sideline, that is.
Here are just a few of mine (in no particular order):
Feelin’ It, Jay-Z (Jay-Z anything)
Superstar, Lupe Fiasco
4 Minutes, Madonna feat. Justin Timberlake and Timbaland
Electric Relaxation, A Tribe Called Quest
Touch the Sky, Kanye West
Green Light, John Legend featuring Andre 3000
Busta Rhymes, Put Hands Where My Eyes Could See
Let me see your favorites … just hit reply/comment and let’s see what does it for you.
Sydney Sydeline writes a regular blog for www.dorseylevensreport.com. |
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| Not-So-Real Housewives |
Written by Sydney Sydeline
October 28, 2008 |
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Real Housewives of Atlanta? Translation: Fake Diva Peaches of the A-T-L.
This show is out of control. The only thing that makes these women housewives is that they live in a house and are wives. Most took the house from the husband or just became miraculously independently wealthy.
Of course, if you live in Atlanta it is WAY more interesting to you than most of us. But it is nice to know that catty housewives with a hint of plastic, whether plastic surgery or plastic personality, exist in every city. It took a second, but I might be hooked.
NeNe: She’s cool, has a good heart, has obviously been through a lot of stuff or her husband wouldn’t be twice her age. She’s got some daddy issues … what chick doesn’t nowadays? She is pretty down to earth and definitely wants to kick Sheree’s a$%. I wouldn’t say it’s not warranted, keep watching and you will want to, too. Real Housewife Qualification: Her husband works and she doesn’t. Also, excessive consumption of wine.
DeShawn: She makes good use of her time and tries not to get caught up in the petty stuff. Who am I kidding? You know, NBA wifey has her own foundation, The DeShawn Snow foundation, which helps young girls stay on the right track because if they do, then they can be just like DeShawn! She gets her hair and makeup done at home every day in her dedicated hair and makeup room. She is cute, but don’t you have to be FABULOUS for all of that? Not quite. Of course she does have to find a way to stop herself from slapping the you-know-what out of Sheree as well. That’s two for Sheree and that’s what church is for. DeShawn is smart, classy and professional. She may have earned her housewife stripes.
Kim: My goodness, what in the world is going on here? She is a hot mess. When she said she really wants to be a country singer we didn’t know she meant she wishes she could sing!!! Man, Dallas Austin had to keep his shades on the whole time to avoid laughing in her face. When the people you’ve been friends with for years had no idea you could sing and it’s been a life-long dream!!! Chances are it’s only a dream. Or in Dallas’ case, it was probably a nightmare. Is it me, or does it look like she is wearing pieces of a wig? What do think are the chances of her disclosing the identity of that celebrity boyfriend of hers, “Big Poppa.” NFL, NBA, MLB? Probably not going to happen. You mean to tell me she is getting unlimited shopping sprees by mail and she’s not trying to show him off. The man is either really ugly, really married or knows she can’t sing. Real Housewife Qualification: She throws her kids ridiculously extravagant birthday parties and drinks and smokes the whole time.
Sheree: At least she has a legitimate, inoperable problem. She has absolutely no personality. Seriously!!! How much fun is she having with the enthusiasm of a cardboard box? The only visibly warm bone in her body is … wait minute, I need some time to think of one. Talk about woman scorned, if she is “open” to a new relationship, fellas you better be careful you may not live through it. There is more to uncover about Miss Sheree … keep digging. And I don’t mean for gold, she’s done a fine job of that. Ms. Sheree is obviously still reeling from that fine number her ex-husband has done on her. Real Housewife qualification: Bitter, bitter, bitter.
Lisa: Now here is a sweet, or sweat, one, whichever works for you. Lisa is the former wife of singer Keith Sweat. She is articulate, smart, bubbly, pretty. She learned her lesson with men the first time. I believe she has mentioned how bad her first marriage was enough times, where a warm body would be a step up. Fortunately for her, Lisa’s current husband, NFL linebacker Ed Hartwell, is more than just a body ... He makes chicken soup when she is sick and actually fed it to her on camera! Awwww … had to be during the off-season. Am I right, guys? She is actually the normal one. Real Housewife Qualification: Like Edie on “Desperate Housewives,” Lisa sells multi-million-dollar homes to famous people but she couldn’t be further from desperate. We’ll leave that to the others.
This beats the bad-luck blondes, Jessica Simpson and Giselle Bunchen, this week. They might actually learn a little something from the Sydeline.
Sydney Sydeline writes a regular blog for www.dorseylevensreport.com. |
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| Out of Bounds |
Written by Sydney Sydeline
October 9, 2008 |
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Let’s talk about why people find it sooooo interesting that our football stars are lovin’ the “my girl is a star, too” status.
When did our regular Sunday football players become “Sunday superstars?” Are they more popular because they are dating up? Or just not dating beneath them, at least financially. What is this phenomenon of athletes dating Hollywood? Okay, maybe it’s not that big of a deal, but you must say it keeps things interesting. Oh yes, I’m talking about Tom Brady and the Jinxelles of the world. It is more common (no pun intended; we’ll get to professional tennis later) than we think. Do they just latch onto each other because their careers are in question or … stale?
OK, let’s take inventory….
Tom Brady and Giselle Bunchen
The first thing anyone asks themselves about a celebrity couple, even if you don’t think you do, is, are they likeable? Well ... each of them definitely comes to the table with something. Technically, Giselle has been popular for longer than Tom. She dated Leonardo DiCaprio for a while but most importantly she was burning up the Victoria’s Secret catalog long before Tom stole Drew Bledsoe’s job. But Tom Brady is most certainly not a scrub on the field or off. When it comes to the ladies he has definitely set his standards p-r-e-t-t-y high. Unfortunately, Bridget Moynahan couldn’t be with us today to accept the “I am bitter as hell” award, so Giselle will accept it on her behalf. Well kind of. It’s only a matter of time. Who would be next? Yes, I said NEXT. Alright, in the meantime are they likeable; I don’t know, it seems to me that neither one of them have much personality off the field. Does Giselle speak English? Okay, that was mean. So if they’re not that great, what makes them so great?
We move on….
Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson
Let’s face it, if Tony broke his leg and was out for the season, being seen with Jessica Simpson wouldn’t exactly boost his career, BUT, if it was the reverse… oh wait a minute, it is the reverse, Jessica Simpson’s career is definitely twisting in the wind. So is this her desperate attempt to save her career, showing up at a couple of games, sitting in the skybox and wearing a Romo jersey? I’m still not on my way to the record store, but it’s a good filler during halftime. So do you think Jessica Simpson’s country album will do well because she is dating the Dallas Cowboys star quarterback? Stay tuned for Jessica Simpson’s country album. What do you think Carrie Underwood is saying right about now? Been there, done that? What kind of catfight would that be, Carrie Underwood versus Jessica Simpson? Just in case you’ve been hiding under rock for the past two years, Carrie Underwood is an American Idol and country/pop singer who dated Tony Romo, too. Slight similarities…seriously, Romo, date the same chick much?
What do you know...
Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian
Does she really count as a star? Again, just in case you’ve been hiding under a rock for a couple of decades, Kim’s dad was one of the big bad attorneys on the O.J. Simpson legal team. Okay back to 2008….
What’s with her family and running backs? I hope Reggie doesn’t have the same problems. We know Reggie is not O.J., but Kim would be in some s#@$ considering she hasn’t had a chance to go to law school and all. Maybe Kim should enroll in one of those online law school courses just to be on the safe side. She is very busy, you know. Battling with your sisters on camera is really hard work; how will she and Reggie ever maintain their relationship?
Life is really too hard...
Angie Harmon and Jason Sehorn
Okay, no one remembers them because they were pioneers and frankly nobody watched Law & Order when Angie was on it and Jason Sehorn…hmmm…not really Hollywood enough. But they deserved to be mentioned. Maybe they will resurface when we get to the “Where Are They Now” segment.
Next…
Sanaa Lathan and the Nigerian Prince
No one can say his name with confidence, anyway. The commentators get a full tutoring session on how to pronounce his name. Now here is someone who has a healthy, well-balanced track record. She really has done an amazing job keeping up with the times! Whoever’s popular, she dating! Ooooooohh. You tell me. Although never confirmed at least publicly, Denzel Washington, Wesley Snipes, Omar Epps, Terrell Owens, and NOW Adewele Ogunleye of the Chicago Bears, indeed, the Nigerian Prince. So what do we have here? Nothing really. Denzel is married, Wesley Snipes likes Asian women and is crazy, Omar Epps has moved on, Terrell Owens, well that speaks for itself. From Hollywood royalty to African royalty. Claim to fame: “Love and Basketball.” (The movie, that is.) Hmmmm verrrrry innnnteresting.
Now we’re getting somewhere…..
Michael Strahan and Mrs. Nicole Murphy
The Brady Bunch NFL True Hollywood story. Now how did that happen? We know they each have enough children between them to constitute a litter, so why not? I’m sure they have a unique love story. You know they probably met at a party, because that never happens, exchanged numbers and rode off into the sunset. Awwwwhhh. Good for them. Someone deserves to be happy.
Please don’t have any more children….
Selita Ebanks (Victoria’s Secret model) and Osi Umenyiora of the NY Giants
Another ballplayer with a Victoria’s Secret model? Although it’s not exclusive to football players, is this a total coincidence? Either that or these guys went lingerie shopping for their girlfriends and walked out with a model instead. The WHOLE package. Nonetheless, the actresses are still leading in this model-versus-actress contest. But in Hollywood talk, a model is an actress, an actress a model, and usually when you’re both you are also a waitress.... Selita must have been paying very close attention to Giselle Bunchen when she hooked up with Osi Umenyiora, defensive lineman for the NY Giants. Is he a prince as well? I wonder if he and Tom Brady have ever had a little conversation about those VS girls. What’s dinner like between a football player and a supermodel? Does she eat only on game day? AND I digress….
Back to my original point. Are they likeable? I’ve obviously spent a lot of time thinking about it. Some would say yes, some would say no and if nothing else it’s pretty darn entertaining.
Sydney Sydeline writes a regular blog for www.dorseylevensreport.com. |
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